Sunday, March 31, 2019

Aging Ungraciously

The sprightly lad in the bathroom mirror each morning is very different than the hunched gnome I see in photographs of myself in social settings. Especially in profile. In my mirror version I behold a man fifteen years my junior and the mortifying, digital me is a man in late stage elderliness. And that’s just appearances. Which are, after all, paramount.

Often I see an article online that asks the burning question, “What is your real age? Then you’re led to a questionnaire that asks stuff like, “How tall are you?” “How much do you weigh?” How much do you exercise?” And so on. The premise is that based on certain measurables you can be older or younger than the typical, say, 77-year-old. Based on the metrics I’m maybe 62. I’m guessing. I've never completed one of the quizzes.

I’m just taking a stab at the tally the questionnaire might yield and I'm sticking with the 62. 100 push-ups, ten pull-ups, a 10K in under an hour. Gotta be better than average. Or am I simply full of myself? Well, yes, I am full of myself.

More important, I’d say, is how you feel. And, truth be told, I feel okay. “Only okay?” you ask.

Uh huh. I can do all that self-indulgent crap listed above, but I still want to take a nap. I’m all about naps if you must know. And my back aches one hundred percent of the time. Between the double curvature of the spine, the scoliosis, the osteoporosis and rest of the osises I’m a freaking mess. Oh, and the arthritis. Can’t forget the arthritis.

All of that is why I’ve gone from a 5’11-1/2” Homo Erectus at 45 to a bent 5’9-1/2” relic in late middle age.

The subject of aging and longevity comes up frequently in my circle of geriatrics. Come to think of it, I’m the guy who brings it up. Preoccupied by life and death? No, I’m obsessed by the life part. If I die, I die.

I always tell people that I’m more interested in quality than longevity. Most folks seem to understand that in principle but would opt for maximal length even if it means being severely limited. I’ll have to get back to you on that.

And back on the vanity front, how one looks carries some weight. I do not look forward to being a cute, little old man. If I have already reached that stage of decrepitude don't tell me. Please.

Then there’s acting your age. That’s a concept that's overrated if you want to know the truth. I’m prone to wearing clothes two generations younger. Skinny jeans, white linen shirts and orange or olive sneakers that first saw daylight in the early sixties. Flipflops, too. I usually wear black tees that display my bod. I have young hair. As my college pal Jim Walters used to say in those halcyon days of surf and sun, “There’s nothing sadder than a middle-aged hipster.” True enough unless you are the aforementioned hipster in which case it’s perfectly acceptable. When Peggy’s friend Sue noticed my jeans and sneakers combo for the first time she exclaimed, “You’re such a dude!” Thanks, Sue. I am.

A few weeks ago, we were having dinner with dear friends and being introduced to new ones. During the conversation, the distaff member of the new couple declared that the sight of Jeff Bezos in his form fitting black tee-shirt, “……creeps me out.” Bezos is only 55 years old for heaven’s sake. Do you know how self-conscious she made me feel when I was flexing my biceps?

And to that point, if you can do it why shouldn’t you? At some point you are old. Done deal. But is there some law that says you have to act your age till Doctor Doom confronts you? I thought not.

When I start embarrassing myself, I know you’ll tell me.


John Ellsworth said...

You've been reading my mail. Oddest of all, my shoe size has gone from 16 to 15. There are no pushups, no pullups, no running (you don't run with titanium joints unless you want to revisit replacement hell before you win the wheelchair sweepstakes) and yes, everything hurts. My tennies are RL American Flag tennies. My T's mostly RL - I never played Polo but now hint around that I might. You and I always were favorably embossed.

Gotta see my buddy again. Totally love the post. You be one brave guy.

Blacks Crossing said...

You are, indeed, quite the dude. Matter of fact, you are in very good company if you think about Jack LaLanne, who lived to be 97 and was still doing incredible things. What he did for the greater world of physical fitness was stunning. You are in excellent company all the way around in total coolness, along with Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Tony Bennett, Gloria Steinem, Judi Dench, and Helen Mirren, among others, who are totally kicking it. This is especially exciting for late bloomers like me who are just learning what the heck is up in life. We have also learned one of the great joys in life - naps - after a good workout. Many, many joys along with the occasional creakiness. Onward into spring!

John Farnsworth said...

Your best, yet, amigo! Thea says you're special!

Juan Viejo
17 inside, 94 outside

دريم هاوس said...

شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض  أفضل وأسهل الطرق التي تساعدهم في كيفية التخلص من الحشرات المزعجة وعلى رأسهم حشرة النمل الأبيض، من المعروف أن مكافحة الحشرة بالمبيد الحشري ليسهل عليكِ، يقوم فريق العمل به بكل سهولة كما يعتقد الكثير من الأشخاص، فلا يضرك الكثير أن الاستخدام الخاطئ للمبيد، قد ينتج عنه إصابة الإنسان بالعديد من الأمراض الوخيمة.

فشركتنا حريصة على أن توفر أجود أنواع المبيدات الحشرية المصرح بها من قبل وزاره الصحة والبيئة التي تملك الفعالية الكبيرة للقضاء نهائياً على هذه الحشرة دون أن تسبب أي ضرر على حياة الإنسان ولا الأيدي العاملة، وفريق عمل الشركة لديه خبرة كبيرة قد اكتسبها عبر السنين، مما أصبح من السهل عليه أن يتعامل مع هذه الحشرة المقززة مهما كانت تختبئ في أماكن دقيقة أو مهما كان عددها كثير، وفريق العمل الخاص بالشركة بعون الله قادر على إبادتها نهائياً فور وصوله إلى المنزل مع ضمان عدم العودة من مكان مرة أخرى، كما أن لدى الشركة فريق عمل خاص لتحصين منزلك من دخول حشرة النمل الأبيض قبل البناء من خلال الأرض قبل وضع الأساس بالمبيد الحشري من هنا عدم وصولها إلى منزلك في أي وقت. … اقرأ المزيد

المصدر: شركة مكافحة النمل الابيض بالرياض

شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض ان عملية تنظيف الخزانات بالرياض تحتاج الى مهندسين متخصصين فى مجال التنظيف الخاص بالمياه حيث أن المياه تعتبر من الأمور الهامة التى تتعلق بالأسرة كلها حيث أنها مورد يصل الى كل فرد من أفراد الأسرة لذلك عميلنا العزيز عليك بالأهتمام بها .
حيث يصلك مجموعة من المهندسين المختصين بعملية تنظيف الخزانات ويتم تفريغ الخزان نهائياً والقيام بعملية التنظيف باستخدام مجموعة مواد التنظيف التى تعمل على قتل الجراثيم والبكتريا بنسبة 100% ثم يتم ملىء الخزان مرة أخرى والقيام بعملية الاختبار لبيان مدى نظافة ونقاء المياه.… اقرأ المزيد

المصدر: شركة تنظيف خزانات بالرياض

sandy said...

شركة شحن عفش من الرياض الى الامارات
شركة نقل عفش من الرياض الى الامارات